In honour of Johann Lamont, leader of the Scottish Labour Party, and with apologies to David Bowie, who seems for the moment to be suffering from a touch of Leader Jo syndrome himself

“My party is blue and there’s nothing I can do”

Ground control to Leader Jo Ground control to Leader Jo Take your prozac pills and put your helmet on Ground control to Leader Jo Commencing countdown, mikes are on Check the levels and may Ed's love be with you

This is ground control to Leader Jo, you've really made the grade
And the papers want to know who does your hair
Now it's time to leave your nice seat if you dare

This is Leader Jo to ground control, I'm standing up to speak
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the polls look very different today
Here am I standing in a bright light far above the world
Labour is blue and there's nothing I can do

Though I'm past one hundred thousand words, I'm feeling very still
And I think my speechwriter knows which way to go
Tell my party that I love them very much, they know
Ground control to Leader Jo, your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Leader Jo?
Can you hear me, Leader Jo?
Can you hear me, Leader Jo?
Can you...
Here am I standing on my big stage far above the room
My party is blue and there's nothing I can do
Johann Lamont, Scottish Labour Conference 2014

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